The Life of Rachel Berry
by gleek514
Summary: "Well I just pulled you boyfriend out of a mountain of panties." Rachel's just got some new friends, a new brother, and maybe a new boyfriend?
1. The Mountain

**A/N Hi! I know I haven't written in what? A year? Well I'm starting with a clean slate so I hope you like this! Starting a fresh new Facebook thing soon. Love yall! Peace!**

**A/N 2: Look at the clothes on my profile for a better understanding of what they are wearing.**

**A/N 3: Rachel is pretty OC in this so don't comment about it because I JUST said it**

**Disclaimer: Glee, The Hunger Games, and Victoria's Secret don't belong to me. Sadly…**

Remember Matt Rutherford? Yeah, he left during the summer of freshman year. Well, he is now Matt Rutherford-Berry. Matt left because his parents were really busy, but since they were a little _too_ busy; child services took him into foster care. Do you know how long he was in San Francisco for? Precisely a week and a half, but since our parents are tighter than rope, Dad and Daddy adopted him.

He lived with me but only Kurt, Blaine, Brittany, and Santana knew. They were the only people that were my best friends. Well, excluding Mike, who's my "brother", and Noah, who's….well I'm not sure. Quinn can go to hell for all I care, Finn cheated on me with none other than Quinn after sectionals so I automatically hated his guts, and the others just don't know me that well to be friends.

Anyway, it was the first day of summer vacation and it was what, 3:00 am? Oh yeah, I probably didn't explain the perks of living with Matt. When he became my brother, he literally took the role of being the brother, but not the brother who hates his sisters' guts. The one who loved her to pieces. However, moments like these made me want to strangle him with a poisonous snake.

"Matty, please don't!" I screamed childishly. He was holding up a brown box, the size of a dinosaur, I got in the mail.

"It says its form Santana! It must be poisonous or some shit, let me open it!" he said as he ran down the stairs and into the living room.

"Shut your mouth or San, your girlfriend, will know that you think she's a terrorist!" I screamed as I clung onto the back of the couch.

His eyes widened comically, "You wouldn't!"

"Try me." I said as I pulled out my phone and punched in her number.

Santana and I had formed a…unique… friendship over after sectionals. It all started like this…

*Flashback*

"_Hey Berry, we need to talk" Santana sniped bitchily. Why did all the conversations that changed my life start like that?_

_Without an answer, she grabbed my wrist and led me into the closest janitors' closet, probably not to be seen with me. Her eyes landed on mine and a very awkward silence creeped through the room. "Why are we here?" I asked, playing with a yellow feather duster I found next to me._

"_Berry put that down. I might've used that for some of my…private…affairs." Santana said, rolling her eyes as if thinking I wouldn't understand. I did. I dropped the duster as if it burned me, kicked it under a shelf and stepped far away from it._

_Santana laughed, "As if you never did it before Berry."_

"_Well I never did it with school equipment!" Rachel countered._

_Santana analyzed the sentence for a while before her eyes widened comically. "Holy shit Berry! You masturbate?" She screamed. Rachel slammed her hand over the Latinas mouth and shushed her._

"_What do you want?" she said, slightly annoyed. Santana slapped the offending hand from her mouth and answered._

"_I want to be your friend. You in?" she raised her eyebrow questioningly. I stood there, silent for a while, before taking a deep breath. This was going to be a death sentence._

"_What? Brittany doesn't want to be your fuck buddy anymore?" I winced at my own words. Santana laughed and smirked._

"_No, but if you want to fill in her place, please be my guest." She winked wickedly. Her whole demeanor showed off her not so bitchy side. Her hair in a bun, Baggy t-shirt, yoga pants, sneakers that weren't white._

"_There must be a real reason." Rachel said, thinking off all the pranks the evil Latina could pull._

_Santana rested a hand on the small brunettes shoulder and gave it a small squeeze. "Berry, remember last summer when we hung out ALL THE TIME? Yeah, I do too. I miss it, okay? I miss you, but not in a creepy way…. Anyway, just say yes and we can go back to hanging out in public and I can burn all of those stupid ass animal sweaters. However, the skirts can stay. There's a reason why I needed that feather duster." She smirked._

_Rachel wrinkled her nose and nodded, linking her arm with Santana's and walking out of the closet with her._

_*Flashback End*_

"Oh come on Rach, if it's from San its must not be that bad." Matt said logically. I scoffed and walked up to him, snatching the box away from his hands.

I began to open it while speaking to him, "Oh, so now you don't think of her as someone bent on killing me. Well that ain't flying with…" I stopped mid-sentence once I finally saw what was in the box.

_What the hell is wrong with her?_ I thought. Ever since we became friends, San has been freakin' Satan on crack but what the hell was this? I love her to pieces, I really do. However, I feel like I want to throw her into the sun, bake her until she's black, come back to earth, make her watch as I give all her clothes to charity, set up Brittany and HUDSON, throw her into a wood chipper and feed her to beavers. (Oh, the irony on the last part).

I looked one more time, finally deciding to walk past Matt quietly and run up to my room. My mind was racing. I locked the door and jumped on my bed.

Underwear? Really? What the… why would…when did… fuck. There are probably millions of the shits. I haven't even gotten to the good part yet. They're the laciest pieces of crap I have EVER SEEN. I slowly pulled one after another. Polka dot, striped, one pair looked like I could floss with them!

Santana Lopez was going to die today. Die.

I literally climbed through the pile of panties on my bed and walked past Matt as I walked through the door. He openly walked into my room and laughed so hard he probably pissed his pants. I put my hair into a bun, which is what I usually do when I'm scheming, and picked up my iPhone. I dialed her number like a pro and waited till she picked up, not caring that it was 3:30am.

"Sup, Berry?" Santana answered nonchalantly, as if it were a regular phone call.

"Does your fucking life revolve around doing shit like this?" I growled into the phone, still hearing Matt laugh from upstairs.

"Like what?" she asked innocently, though I could hear the smile on her face.

"You know what I'm talking about Panty Hoarder!" I said. I could hear her laugh…hard. I took five minutes till she finally answered through hiccups.

"So you got the...the…the..." she choked out before collapsing into another fit of giggles.

"Yeah, your boyfriend is probably trapped in the fucking mountain of them!" I smirked, knowing that would get her good.

"…what?" she said dead serious. I laughed and said the previous sentence over again. "I'll be there in a minute."

"Wait San!" she hung up before I could finish my sentence. I closed my phone, "Its 3 in the morning."

I climbed the stairs and slammed the door closed as I fell on my comfy bed. I heard muffled words though. Maybe it was just Matt talking to Santana, I thought. I was completely wrong though. Apparently, since I became normal (as Santana would say), I was always wrong. My dad's raised me so weirdly.

"Matty, where are you?" I asked. A hand popped out form the pile of unused pile of panties and I screamed at the top of my lungs. Once I cooled down, I accepted the fact that this was normal and helped him out. "You're weird" I said lamely.

"There were…there were more! I had to see how many there were! It was…it was like a monster Rach! A monster!" He screamed, making me laugh like the good sister I am. After a few minutes of him being completely and utterly traumatized and me almost pissing my pants laughing, the door opened and Santana froze in the spot.

She was wearing the same pants as Rachel, but in a different color and a Hunger Games t-shirt. (See profile for Santana and Rachel's outfits. Highly suggested that you see them.)

"What the hell are you two doing?" Santana asked in her usual Latina attitude.

"Well I'm pulling Matt out of a mountain of panties you sent me while he's just being a dumbass." I answered nonchalantly, as if I do it every day.

Santana shrugged, "well okay."

Matt looked at Santana's slippers, "why do you look like you're wearing big fluffy penises on your feet? Are you cheating on me?"

That's when I KNEW this summer was going to be EPIC!


	2. The Harry Potter Controversy 1

**Hola! Lovely people, I thank you for reading his. I swear this one will turn out ten times better. Promise! I love y'all and please tell your friend's friend's friend…Even the hobo on the other side of the street.**

**A/N: Just exciting news, I met Lea Michele back when she was in Spring Awakening…She said (and I will always cherish these words) "Keep up the work. You're gonna shine one day, I know you will" and SMILED! SO yeah, fangirl RIGHT HERE.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Glee in any way, sha****pe, or form.**

* * *

><p>Puck wrapped his arms around me, like a barrier, whi<p>

le Matt did the exact same thing to Santana on the other side of the room. I don't know how to explain it, but it all kind of started like this…

_*Flashback*_

_I ran into the Lopez household. I'm a woman on a mission and NOTHING is going to stop me now. However, the minute I walked in, I bumped into her father._

_I put on my best show face and slapped his open hand, "Hey Phil! Sup?"_

"_Nothing, I just need to get to work…Why are you here?" he asked, his eyebrow quirked up and a smirk on his lips. He knew what I was doing here. Hell, he may have even helped her plan it._

"…_Just make sure she doesn't claw your eyes out. She does that sometimes…" he grimaced, probably rethinking the harsh memories. "Puck and Matt are asleep up there too so try not to hurt them in the process."_

_I blinked once before nodding and creeping up the stairs. Why was Noah at her house? I could completely understand why Matt was, but why Noah? _

_I pushed those thoughts away and silently opened the fiery Latinas door. However, it only opened halfway due to Matt's big head. I slipped through and tiptoed to Santana, but she was asleep. Suddenly, a wild idea popped into my head._

_I was getting payback now. I slipped my iPhone into her dock and flicked to the song in mind. I laughed evilly before pressing the play button._

_**Do you like waffles?**_

_**Yeah we like waffles**_

_**Do you like pancakes?**_

_**Yeah we like pancakes **_

_**Do you like French toast?**_

_**Yeah we like French toast**_

_**Dodododo can't wait to get a mouth full!**_

"_That's what she said" grumbled a familiar voice. I squeaked, hoping it wasn't Matt. It wasn't fun when you messed with his "manly sleep". I wonder if the kids on drugs…I really do._

_I felt arms around me, dragging me to the other side of the room while the song started over again. "Let go of me!" I yelled._

"_Look Berry, you started it." I heard Noah say. I pounded on his arms until he got me to the other side of the room. He let go and pointed his finger at me, warning me not to move. Who the hell does he think he is? I'll do whatever the hell I wanted to do!_

_I got up and walked behind him, wondering what was going on behind Matt. I could maybe even see smoke, but it was probably just my mind._

_Next thing I know, I'm on the floor, Matt's trying to pull some evil demon off of me, and puck is laughing his ass off. "Get off of me you demon spawn!" I screamed between scratches._

"_Bitch you woke me up!" Santana yelled as if I ran over her puppy._

"_You sent me PANTIES! A truck load of PANTIES!" Everyone stopped. Santana fell on top of me in a fit of chuckles, Matt shivered from his dangerous journey into Mount Thong (as he so politely named it), and Noah smirked at me. I looked down, hoping he wouldn't see me blush like crazy, and remembered Santana was on top of me. "Wait a minute… I came here for a reason!"_

_Santana got up and extended her hand to help me up. I took it and slapped her the minute I got up. Oh yeah, that's why I'm here. I knew she was going to lunge again, but Matt grabbed her from behind and dragged her to the other side of the room. Noah took my hand, like a gentleman, and walked with me farther away from the fiery Latina before wrapping his arms around me, like a barrier…_

_*Flashback end*_

…And we're back! So yeah, I'm probably gonna die right now. Who knew the Latina could sensitive. Ha, can't even believe it in my own mind…and Noah is looking at me like I am insane. Smooth Rachel, smooth.

I bit my lip and looked up at him with a pleading look. "Noah, can't you help me?" I say in my best damsel in distress voice. I'm half expecting him to tell me I'm on my own, which surprised me when he said this:

"Look, she isn't that pissed, trust me. However, if she is, I'll help you, okay?" He smirks, know what I was trying to do. I blush deeply and stared back at Santana. She looked a little better. By a margin…but at least we got somewhere!

"What the fuck, Berry!" She yells from across the room. It's a big room so I wouldn't blame her for yelling. (Room is on the profile. Highly suggest you go look at it…)

I reach into my back pocket and pull out the offending object. Blue and Bronze stripes with the little emblem that I wanted to tear off. "Ravenclaw panties? Ravenclaw, and you're asking why I want to take your lungs and bury them in the sand?"

Santana bit her lip, trying not to laugh at the serious tone I had. Shit just got personal. I could hear Noah chuckling behind and turned to glare at him. He immediately stopped but reached in front of me to grab the panties.

"Didn't _I _give you these?" Noah asked from behind me. I could feel myself blushing and could definitely see Matt blushing too. "Just couldn't handle the fact that you're a Slytherin, huh?"

"Why are you sending my girlfriend panties?" Matt asked more curiously then menacingly.

"Why is your girlfriend sending Tinkerbell underwear?" he countered

"Can you not call me that?" I intervened, catching the attention of both boys.

"Can you not call me Noah?" he asked with a smirk.

"No."

"Then, no."

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><p>Three weeks after that little incident, it was a week before august and we needed to do something awesome. So what's better than going to Wal-Mart?<p>

…A lot of things. Wait; scratch that, a lot of legal things. Here's a disclaimer, if you don't like cucumber throwing, confetti bombing, candy stealing, or fire burning, you may wanna leave…now.


End file.
